Finding your flatmate(s)

Introduction

This chapter assumes you have read Choosing your living arrangement (Stage 2, Chapter 1) and made the decision that you are going to have a flatmate in your home. If you plan to live in a different way (like as a boarder or homestay), some of the decision-making processes might be slightly different. If you want to live alone, you can skip this chapter and go straight to Planning your supports (Stage 2, Chapter 4).

Finding the right people to live with can be a complicated process. Many people put off going flatting because they have not found the ‘right person’ to live with. The right flatmate can make or break a living situation, but it is also unlikely that you will live with the same people forever. It’s good to keep moving forward, even if your flatmate isn’t perfect.

When trying to decide who to live with, it is important to consider who brings out the best in you. A great flatmate is not just a person whose company you enjoy, they also fit well with your way of living.

Whether your live alone or with five people, it is worth spending the time to think about your options and make a plan for your next steps.  

Challenge your ideas and assumptions

It is good to question your assumptions before considering a flatmate. Best friends do not always make the best flatmates.  

Often, an assumption is made that a disabled person needs to live with other similarly disabled flatmates. If sharing support or considering personality and social compatibility, this might be the case – but not always.

There can be huge social and supportive benefits to a disabled person living with non-disabled peers. When deciding who an appropriate flatmate might be, it pays to consider both the practical elements around the house as well as the potential holistic benefits of a great match.  

Assessing compatibility

There are many factors that make up compatibility. These include having things in common or that are complementary, such as:

• Values – what’s important to you

• Skills – what you’re both good at

• Weekly/daily routines – your schedule

• Price/budget – how much you can pay

• Location – where you want to live

• Urgency and timeline – how soon you want to move

• Sharing space – how you use the space at home

• Social preferences – how much you want to hang out together

• Hygiene preferences – how clean you like things to be

• Shared support (if relevant) – if you’ll share helpers

It can be helpful to create a 'profile' for yourself that you can use when assessing compatibility with others.

Flatmates who also help (natural supports)

Not all support needs to be paid support – natural support is an important part of sharing life too. If you need to maximise the amount of support available, then pooling your paid support with another flatmate can be an effective way of doing this. Alternatively, having flatmates who can provide some of that support can be a valuable resource.  

Having a flatmate with complementary skills (e.g. the physical capabilities to take out the rubbish bins, a love of cooking, or the love of a debrief at the end of the day) can be a great opportunity to meet some of your needs through a natural and freely given relationship.  

However, if you require your flatmate to provide certain supports to you, then it is important that you think carefully about how that will be set up and managed. For example, if your flatmate must sleep at home every night or do all the household cleaning, then they are potentially crossing a line between being a flatmate and paid support.  

Boarders or live-in support  

It can help to think of a flatmate who does extra jobs around the house as a boarder and use a boarding agreement (you can find examples on the Tenancy Services website).  

However, if they have to plan their week around supporting you or doing jobs usually done by paid support people, you might need to treat them as both a boarder and an employee.  

Seeking professional advice for complex arrangements

The decision-making and paperwork around setting this up correctly can be quite complex and seeking professional advice is an important step. This might involve talking with a lawyer, human resources professional or talking with Tenancy Services.  

Managing the risks

When the people who live in your home are also your disability supports it creates a vulnerability for you. Resolving a disagreement can be complex, putting increased tension on the relationship and making it difficult to get space, because their home is also yours.

It is important to plan how to deal with problems before they happen. Having some of that plan clearly documented in writing can help prevent a misunderstanding if something does go wrong.  

After you find your potential flatmate(s)

Check for any income/support conflicts

If you are the homeowner or the lead tenant on your property, talk to Work and Income about the agreements you have with those you live with. It is important to know if your agreements will have any impact on your Work and Income supports.  

Test it out

Creating the opportunity for both of you to experience what it is like sharing a space can be a useful way to test out compatibility. Even spending a weekend together as a trial before committing to a new living situation can help you figure out if it is a good match.  

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Where to start

Decide on who you want to live with

Each person has their unique preferences and habits, but we are not all compatible. If you can be honest with yourself when trying to understand what you need from your flatmate and what you will be like to live with, the chances of building something sustainable increases. Painting a realistic picture with anyone you are going to live with about the home you are building and the kind of flatmate you are will help you to find someone who will be compatible.  

When working out who your ideal flatmate(s) could be, ask yourself:

• Who brings out the best in you?

• What kind of support or considerations will you need from your flatmate?

• What kind of person would most enjoy living with you and who would you enjoy living with?

Outline how you/they will contribute

A household should be made up of reciprocal relationships, where everyone puts effort in and everyone gets benefits. Thinking about how you contribute to a household and what will make you a good flatmate is equally important to thinking about what your flatmate can do to help you.  

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Next steps

1. Complete the ‘Outline your preferences for living with others’ worksheet below to outline what you are looking for in a flatmate or boarder.
2. Complete the ‘Contributing to the household’ worksheet below to work out how the different members of the household might contribute.